The Importance of Metrics

The Importance of Metrics

Lyrics:

The power of verse is in the shape of the words

As they flow out the mouth.

The metrics of sound

Coming not so much from the lines themselves

As from the articulated embodiment of the Self.

Like a living, breathing, sui-generated bell,

The knell is the shape of the flesh is the sound of the knell.

And in the tickey-tackey of a regulated line,

you find not the soul, but the mind.

The tools the mind measures with, our cells and curves,

Themselves organized, abstracted from the living fractal world,

This one-sided balance of straight crooked lines,

In which we orient ourselves with the realization of being Alive.

Now turn an eye back at that for a second for a second feature of verse,

That combinations of words can have more meanings than a first-

‘The realization of being alive’ pointing to this space inside us

and that we are all inside.

The recognition of awareness, the shared awareness of being

And Realization also meaning making real from dreaming,

And so this little phrase contains a profound truth,

And in its layered webs of reflected connections

Shines the one that’s always two:

We are here, we are moving, we are here, we are moving.

We one are two, and I am you.

And together we have never been apart,

And we separate and come together.

The realization of being alive!
There’s infinity in that phrase, I could talk in it forever,

But lest you mistake this for an exercise in acting clever

We’d best move on to the obvious objection, the question,

Isn’t my point clouded by poetic affection?

Well, I would say-

That the objection rests on the instrumental empirical assumption

Of the rational function of our communication

And an over emphasis on this material consensus

As the one reality location

When there’s every indication

That we only believe this because born in contemporary Western civilization,

And that it’s anything but a natural or granted perspectivilization.

So, yes, my riff technically was on the nature of languaging,

And whether spoken or sung, it’s almost the same thing.

Except we’ve become obsessed with giving our stories antiseptic cleanings,

When life is a mess, and that mess is the meaning,

And somewhere along the lines we’ve forgotten how to stop believing

That where we’re talking from is what our camera lenses are seeing.

So the objection doesn’t rise in the mind of a dipshit: I love Poetry,

But it takes this message and flips it,

Like you could have an objective without a subject to fill it.

The dry, and defined, we do well to an extreme,

And it’s time to re-awaken this definite life to the possible dream:

This poetry at the heart of all acts of speaking,

From The Lancet, to “hello,” to howling and weeping,

And while stretched and grown through prose we’re at the end of its rope,

And as we struggle it gets tighter and we’re beginning to choke.

We’ve practiced our scales on this umbilical noose,

And it’s time for solos of unmediated truth.

And if by the death of our pasts we’re to find birth again,

This spiraling path will lead us to become our own origins.

And while that may sound sloppy, or some kind of regression

To a culture that says ‘a simple chemical imbalance is the cause of depression,’

And in which it makes the news when a researcher says “we don’t know, exactly,

We’re a little bit surprised, our studies show that our studies may be compromised,’

And a pause. ‘It’s almost as if…our culture is a cause of that cause.”

And they’d trace that tired line of causation ad infinitum

Without a gut understanding that they’re never gonna find one causal cause

Unless they look behind themselves, to this moving place of stillness.

And though it’s still just an echoing rumor

That we might not simply be rational consumers

You can hear the first cracks and large scale shakings

Of a long taken for granted foundation of meaning making.

So as we lean over the edge of this experimental human inquiry,

Our sense making only makes sense in becoming human being poetry.

When ‘God is everything’ and ‘there is no God’ both speak of this reality,

Lines are revealed as meaningless without our intentionality.

Which is to say, our reason is a subset of our musicality.

So today, given this heavy world of apathy,

We must remember our capacity to become and overcome gravity,

Embracing this absurd body of comic tragedy.

Spoiler alert: though united everlastingly in love, we all die.

But if you play the melodies of love and death entwined,

Let your language be measured as bursts of living fire,

If you have the courage to aspire to construct of your limited life a creative act,

Accepting this sacred pact, then death is not for naught.

The world has never been built by some disembodied thought.

But by hearts and minds and eyes and feet choosing

Heartful, mindful, iambic foot like doing.

All this doing! And not a thing to do but rest.

And let each note rise as a silent ‘yes,’

Glowing like the morning of this One Turning in your breast.

Let your joyful play sing open. Open to the Love

That has gladly crawled eons of improbable labyrinths

For just this one fleeting audience with your warm and wounded heart.

I’d say ‘start,’ now! And I also mean “stop!”

Let all the burdens that you’re carrying drop.

Stop thinking, stop trying, stop just for one moment stop resisting and controlling

And live through your dying!

How to do it? What to do? How to do it what to do…

When you’re asking ‘what to do,’ and “Who am I” you’re doing it.

And when you’re doing it wrong, you’re doing it right--

And when you’re doing it right, you’re not doing a damn thing!

Shake everything off and let your empty soul sing!

And relaxing into the vibrato of the timeless and all time

You might be surprised when it already rhymes.

And whether you call your role in this symphony poetry or kung-fu knitting,

do it with the care of a blackbird sitting on a cedar limb.

And dancing to this carefully carefree hymn awakens a whole new seeing,

And the limits of lines, once binding, become freeing.

As this work: submitted with gratitude, and for the benefit of all beings.

Kaizen/Smriti Part Two (continued, obviously, from part one.)

More from the third sense of 'resolution:' a resolution of what is abstract into what is practical and direct. Or: what's Eros gonna do?

Despite my natural inclination to say, 'let's wait and see' (part of the idea of Kaizen, after all, is an embrace of the possibility and reality of constantly changing vision), I do at the moment have a sense of direction/function for this, or I wouldn't be doing it.

If time is a frontier there are no more modern pioneers, except in the individual case, as one grows through that orientation of mind. I would say that our pioneers are well beyond what we call the post-modern (should you have absolutely no conception of what these terms mean, my apologies, but stay tuned, I will be elucidating the distinction I am making between the modern and post-modern much in this year), but this is not so much my interest here, as I am not on the frontier in this sense. Having left our modern settlements to those who will grow through them, a sizable edge of our culturally contemporaneous adult humanity is laying the first solid foundations of post-modern society. Men and women have been here before, but not in numbers sufficient enough to establish a city, a genuine center-of-gravity. What we have seen in the way of post-modernity up to recently has either been exclusively individual or modernity in drag.

A major conceit of this year for this blog (or until I am disabused of it) is that we are at the endpoint of our culture's process of modernity, it has nothing new or surprising for us in a collective sense; we have turned over all of its stones, and large encampments of us are headed for or have begun establishing a post-modern city and society, a place still quite wild and undefined. This, as any process of growth, will be accompanied with great pain and backsliding, much of which we are watching in front of us now, and it is far from certain that we will be able to maintain a sustainable cultural presence there. If we do, it is because we will have been able to remake what it means to be human, individually and culturally, from this level of meaning. As a microcosm of the process, a young person still pulling himself out of the traditional cultural consciousness and family embeddedness, creating for himself an individual autonomous identity, while also reaching into the realm of the post-autonomous not only intellectually but in practical everyday life, I am situated well to document this and push it along. I see in myself the potential to be a city-planner for our new culture, someone actively exploring the implications of this consciousness in this world, and my greatest culturally valuable talent is in the kind of writing I am able to achieve occasionally on this blog, as a sort of essayist and cultural critic.

Practically, that changes little about the blog; it has always been a way for me to test out ideas and present them to whomever is willing and able to sift through them. In addition, though, I plan on a greater amount of engagement (the eternal plan...) as well as using the blog in companion to what I am reading, both for school and for pleasure, allowing me to remember what arguments others are making and how they fit into my angle of attack on the world, something I am terrible at (names), while also giving me the impetus to track through reading outside of my school's curriculum.

Also, as I feel I have a pretty good working sense of a personal philosophy but few opportunities to drag it out into the light of day where it can be challenged, and the blog serves this purpose as well. Not only can this philosophy be found in the accidental, what I happen to be reading or seeing online, but it is open to reinterpretation based on this, and based on the comments and participation of you. In my perfect world everybody is so willing to throw themselves on the table, recognizing just how permeable that thin layer of pretense is that separates our outside and inside world, but as this is not the case, engage me freely as you will, knowing that what you put in in intensity I give back; it is not a demand so much as an invitation to the constant questioning that is this Kaizen/Smriti, that is so integral to the post-modern meaning-making, and so vital a weapon against complacency, one of my pet sins.

With this in mind I hope as well to write at least an entry every day, though this is not a hard and fast rule, and the effort it takes to write some of my more involved entries obviously will prevent this from happening. The idea, though, being that having this in mind constantly, starting the day by starting an entry and finishing it by finishing one will help me keep this whole shebang in mind, Smriti.

Kaizen/Smriti, a resolution, of sorts. Part One

Kaizen/Smriti:

I have decided upon a slightly new direction/function for this blog in the new year, and that direction/function is best seen through the concepts of Kaizen (Japanese through English) and Smriti (Buddhist.) I am using the blog as a sort of record of my year (also guided by these concepts) and as a ground for writing.

Kaizen, which has been a favorite concept of mine for quite a few years, means making continuous small improvements. At each step, there is a pause, a looking-around, and a re-implementation of direction/protocol. The Japanese means "improvement," in the same sense English does, or "amelioration" in the Chinese (改善) but through an American-English translation of Japanese business practices has come to mean "continuous improvement."

I take "continuous" to mean "anew each moment." One will get two very different measurements of the English coastline using a mile and an inch as standards of measurement. I hope to continue to make my standard of measurement smaller and smaller, finding the possibility of fundamental change in each moment, until change and being are synonymous, at which point the game looks quite different.

"Improvement" is a trickier word. Change for the better, of what? My concept of this is something like "healthy growth," but each of these terms carries a good amount of baggage as well, if associated with the word "normative." For now, think of a blooming apple tree.

I should also note that "Kaizen" has a reactive connotation to it, finding a problem and fixing it, to which I would add Otto Scharmer's idea of "presencing," the ability to sense and bring into the present one's highest future potential, which is more active. I include both active and passive, past and future, in my concept of "Kaizen."

This could be terribly inefficient, and I certainly agree here with the old leadership maxim that to do anything even if the wrong thing is better than doing nothing, but quite aware that my disposition is towards theorizing without action I am actively training my capacity to act past theorizing, which is where Smriti comes in.

Smriti is an anglicized Sanskrit word which means literally "that which is remembered," but which has taken on a much greater importance in Buddhism. I will here use it mostly as self-remembrance, and, following Alan Watts, what I really mean here is 'awareness of awareness.' The Chinese etymology is helpful as well. 念 (nian) is usually the translation for "Smriti," and consists of 今 (jin) the character which means "today" or "now," and 心 (xin) which is the character for "mind/heart." What is the mind doing now, and now, and now. The English translation "mindfulness" carries this constant connotation as well, it is something underneath each moment in consciousness, at its most concentrated. When eating, know that you are eating, when walking, know that you are walking, when talking, know that you are talking.

Of course, a zen master may say "stop being mindful!" that is, when walking, walk. No need to know you are doing this. Ultimately I agree with this, but this comes at the end of a long process of mindfulness training, at least if one wants to embody it 'off the cushion,' or outside of a meditation retreat. Neither am I, though, at the stage of merely having the thought "I am walking," but somewhere in between. Eventually, as one remembers to become aware of what's occurring in awareness bit by bit (or word by word, action by action), one realizes that there are too many things to actually literally keep track of, and the mind relaxes and lets awareness watch experience without remarking upon it. Walking is walking, and talking talking, if only temporarily. When I am aware, I can do this, and can see my mind as it inserts that thin film between the action and the awareness. But I am not always aware of what I am doing; I flicker like a light bulb not quite screwed in.

Putting these two together, Kaizen/Smriti, you have my resolution, a New Year's resolution which is continuous; my standard of measurement already much less than a mile, it would be odd for me to try once and check back next year. Resolution is a particularly effective term here, "solution" meaning both a loosening and a fix for a problem, and "re-" being an intensifier tied to temporal repetition. Apply that 're-' to each moment, and you have the concept I am looking for with Kaizen/Smriti. A resolution, 'I will remember,' as a resolution to the problems of living, which is also a resolution of what is abstract into what is practical and direct, and a whetting of the resolution of my awareness to the smallest possible interval.


Glass House, also a project aimed at cultivation of awareness, was more to find out the ways in which I was embedded in others' meaning, the chains of culture and relation behind me, and to bring that in front of me, even if not consciously undertaken as such at the time. It was to discover what roadblocks I kept putting in front of myself, and why. In this, it was largely successful, and culminated in the understanding that the reason I was subjecting myself to such a ridiculous degree of exposure was that I wanted to be found out as a fraud, and I think of this as the natural side of having a persona and an ego, and part of the process of discovering the authentic, another way of thinking of 'Smriti.' One might call this "Thanatos," the death-urge, the desire to destroy the limitations of self at one level of being to foster greater growth.

With that constant resolution creating more and more space for authenticity, for a space where I can act freed from psychological embeddedness in my culture and relationships, in the rituals of being established as a child, comes the unreining of Eros.

For Eros, you can do your own research: Wikipedia's entry is woefully inadequate; I would start with Rollo May's Love and Will. Eros is the creative/destructive force of the universe. Whitehead called it 'negentropy' for its opposition to the physical concept of entropy, and so by 'destructive' I mean the destruction that happens naturally when a new thing is created, not the lethargy of entropy, nor the malice of evil, though I would not rule out that Eros works in ways that can appear to be evil. Personally, I think of it as the delight in guiding creation, and it has a rather specific emotional/psychological/somatic feel to it. And so, if 'Glass House' was an attempt to expose the habits of mind keeping me from expressing myself to the extent of my potential, this project is the vigilance over their impetus, and the release of and identification with Eros.

I should note that not everybody's psychological life revolves around the smothering of Eros, and so while this stage of my life involves the above, this will not be directly true for everyone, or even most people. Each person carries into adulthood their own cultural/familial directives to carry out which must be uprooted and overcome if they are ever to be an individual adult.

But for me, and for now, Kenzai, Smriti, and Eros are symbols of transformation in the Jungian sense, in that they represent for me ways of human-being-in-the-world whose outlines I can vaguely perceive but whose expression I am only barely capable of comprehending, let alone enact within my own consciousness. They represent a way of being more encompassing than my own, but not by so much that it is more than a step or two away.

And with that, 2010.

Quote #8

"Questioning is the track on which the centered person moves."

-Stephen Batchelor

From someone in my program

Out of its context, which was a response to a question I had posed to her-

Hydrogen and oxygen atoms bind at the level of energetic charge to embody wetness, water molecules form, vapor condenses, clouds become heavy with potential for rain, the droplets surrender to the embrace of gravity and fall to first saturate the earth and then to run together. Rivulets become streams which carve their own beds, co-creating a landscape as the drive toward more unity creates river systems moving torrents of water toward an unbounded ocean. And at every instant the system is dynamically alive; every aspect is simultaneously arising and shifting to the next phase of expression, infinitely re-turning to itself as a self-organizing, self-renewing, self-disclosing whole.

Embedded in the whole system, the wetness doesn't know itself, but what if that aspect of being could wake up and become aware of the miracle I see when a wave crashes to the shore, or a fine mist of evening fog bathes my face in its own Presence? What if the wetness had only one purpose, which was to touch my Original Face, and be praised? From that perspective praise might be in the form of my own interior awareness - I aware of wetness as wetness; and then a conversation of appreciation for the mutual caress of mist and my permeable skin where an exchange is always taking place; and then a weather report or a hydrologist’s analysis of a watershed system expressing the same capacity for self-disclosure in the form of empirical data. I suspect there is always rejoicing in heaven whenever and however we dance in the mist.

The Anxious Mind.

An interesting article in the NYTimes, about research positing that anxious people are born with a predisposition towards anxiety.

There are discussions about how to deal with anxiety as well. As somebody with a fairly high level of anxiety, (historically...I don't think I'd fit in the most anxious group, but I'd certainly fit in the next one) though, there's something to be said about actively engaging your anxiety.

Over the last six years I've begun to use anxiety as a sort of red-flag. When I get anxious about something, it locates an issue I've got to deal with psychologically, and is often helpful in tagging shadow material, something I don't know that I'm worried about. This has also led me into meditation, both sitting, and energy-based (qi gong, t'ai chi, yoga, etc) and has been instrumental in my growth as a person for sometime.

My anxiety levels are much, much lower now than they were six years ago, but I'm not, as the article seems to suggest is the only cure, simply managing them. I've used them to head directly at those things that make me fearful, and as a way to locate areas of tension in the body.

I can't imagine I'd be the only one for which this would be extremely helpful.

Dreams of Intimacy

So I had a dream the other night, after coming back from my retreat for school, where I fell in love with one of my classmates (I'm not entirely serious.) In the dream, I was sitting at a table in a restaurant with a classmate from college who I was actually totally obsessed with, but in the dream the two of them were conflated; it was both of them.

We were talking, and then we stood up and embraced, and I felt the most powerful intimacy, that we were both open to each other, not hiding from each other, and I think, really, this is a great way to explain intimacy--it is the feeling of not holding back, of being fully open with another person. You wouldn't find that in the dictionary, though. It's the feeling of being fully present with somebody who is being fully present with you.

I think it's this sense of intimacy that's really missing from our modern sense of the word, which too often assumes a sexual relationship. There was nothing sexual about the embrace in the dream, we were just both present to each other.

It was beautiful.